I didn't even use the words ovulation, follicle HSG, IUI, IVF or any other crazy acronyms in my vocabulary. It's amazing to me how girls are taught practically from the day they get their first menstrual cycle how to prevent pregnancy. Where are the classes for women who are ready to have a baby on HOW to get pregnant? I, like many girls, started taking birth control (BC) pills at a pretty early age. Because I had a very irregular cycle, I was told by my GYN that BC would help reduce the length and irregularity of period. I certainly didn't hesitate, and happily obliged (I was secretly hoping the pills would help me increase a bra size, too).
I took several variations of BC from age 16 to age 24. Eight straight years. The last two or three years of being on BC, I noticed I was getting more and more headaches, and they were becoming more intense. So Scott and I discussed that I would stop taking the pills after our wedding. I had just assumed it takes at least a year to get pregnant after being on BC for as long as I had been.... at least that's what I read in most women's magazines and heard from "credible sources".
Last year when we decided it was time, I made an appointment with a new GYN. We had only been in North Carolina for 4 months so I needed to find a new doctor and was due for an annual visit anyway. I was excited about the appointment. We chatted a little bit about my health history, and discussed that I should begin taking prenatal vitamins, and start to limit those glasses of wine I sometimes have at dinner. For the most part, she made it seem like this should be a piece of cake. Then she looked down at my chart and said, "You'll need to stop taking your BC at the end of this cycle." Hmmmm. I thought to myself, did I not fill out my paperwork correctly? I cleared my throat a little bit, "Actually, I've been off BC for over 3 years." She paused, looked at my chart again and said, "Well, you're both young and healthy, so we're off to a good start!" I could feel her hesitation. I quickly asked, "Is that something I should be concerned about?" She smiled and with a reassuring voice told me, "Trust me, it's not as easy to make a baby as the girls on Sixteen and Pregnant make it look. But the fact that you've been off the pill for so long and haven't had a "whoopsies" by now is a little unusual". Then she asked the awkward question. "How often would you say you and your husband have intercourse?"
.... I realize that this is a public blog, and my Mother is likely reading this, so I'm a little apprehensive to write this next sentence.....
I could feel myself beginning to blush and responded with a chuckle, "We have a very healthy sex life". She smiled, nodded and made some notes in my file. I gulped realizing that as much as it made me feel good that Scott and I are still "gettin' busy" on the regular, I was beginning to feel her level of confidence drop by the minute.
She then looked up, smiled and said, "Ok. Here's what I'm thinking we should do. Let's go ahead and schedule you to have some tests done. We can actually start today with some blood work to test your AMH, then I'd like you to have an HSG test done to check your tubes. Would your husband be OK with doing a semen analysis?"
I felt my stomach in my throat...... WHOA...... She could see me start to panic a little and went through all the details of each test thoroughly with me. I told her Scott already has a son from his first marriage. She said because he was over the age of 10, she still felt it would be good for him to get checked out.
I left that appointment completely overwhelmed and a little exhausted. I wasn't expecting to have needles stuck in my arms and scheduling an appointment to have dye shot up into my lady parts. But looking back, I'm SO grateful she insisted we did those tests right away.
Fast forward to a few months later, all of our tests were complete. And to our delight, we were both PERFECTLY healthy. My AMH (or my anti-mullerian hormone) levels were normal, which meant I was ovulating - 1st good sign! My HSG tests showed that my tubes were clear (for those of you who are also starting this journey, this test isn't as bad as I had anticipated). And finally, Scott was VERY happy to hear his little swimmers were in fact being produced by the HUNDREDS of millions! :)
So back to that insufferable "I" word. The reason why it irks me so much is because, I am in fact NOT infertile. I have a normal 28 day cycle each month and all my ultrasounds show that I'm producing healthy follicles which means I am ovulating. We have not been able to find any "medical" reason (as of yet) why we're not getting pregnant.
This should be a blessing, right?? Sometimes I feel like it's a curse. I'm a perfectionist. I like to get to the bottom of every problem that crosses my path so I know exactly how to fix it. So this is like torture and a form of cruel and unusual punishment for me. What has been my saving grace though, is talking with other women and couples who have been down this road. Knowing that we're not the only ones who have been stuck in this black hole for the last few months has given me so much peace of mind. So the best advice I can give to anyone who is at this stage in their pursuit to parenthood, and is essentially in the "unknown category" would be this.... Be thankful. So many couples face true infertility struggles from Endometriosis, low sperm count, ovulation disorders, uterine and cervical abnormalities to tube blockages. As frustrating as it is to not have the answer, it is truly a blessing. I honestly believe when God gives you a "No", it's your cue to say "thank you". He is only protecting you from less than His best!
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