The Pursuit Of Parenthood: Blissfully Distracted

The past two weeks have been nonstop. Between work, yoga classes, acupuncture appointments, lunches with girlfriends, hockey games, concerts, and dinner dates with friends, Scott and I have been so blissfully distracted that we've almost forgotten about our fertility woes.... almost being the operative word. In the midst of all the craziness, we had another appointment with one of the Fertility Centers we've been working with last week. It went well. I had to have some more tests done to rule out a few wavering concerns I've had for the last week or so.

Scott and I sat in the exam room waiting to meet with the doctor for the ever so pleasant transvaginal ultrasound (sorry to those who are squeamish about the "V" word, but let's be realistic here amigos, every woman's got one). Scott was wonderful as usually and tried to distract me with conversation about work or our plans for the future. We started chatting about how far we've come together in the last eight years. He reminded me how different life was and how our struggles back then seem so minuscule compared to what we're going through now. "I know it's hard to see it now, babe, but we'll probably forget about about all this 10 years from now when we end up with like 4 more kids" he said with a smirk. He has a great way of putting a smile on my face when I'm not feeling super confident.... or when I'm feeling super exposed in those icy cold stirrups. Same difference, right?

We have faced some difficult times together, that's for sure. But if I've learned one thing from every hurdle life has thrown at us ..... is life goes on. It may not go in the direction you anticipated, and you may hit a ton of speed bumps along the way, but you keep moving forward. For so many years, having a baby just wasn't on our roadmap. And then things changed. I never imagined that if we did decide to have a baby, that it would be this difficult, which makes it that much harder. That's where the guilt and shame sets in. We tried for so long to NOT have a baby, I feel like my body has turned on me, and is punishing me for going against my natural duty as a woman to procreate.

I know Scott's right. We'll look back at this time in our lives as a mere blip on the radar.There will be many more bumps in the road I'm sure, and many more tears and disappointments. But there will also be lots of laughter, hugs and kisses, and many more tears....the joyful kind! So for now, I'm grateful for all of life's little distractions, they're my tiny blessings in disguise reminding us to keep moving forward. And we'll still be going nonstop as time goes on, only eventually with childbirth classes, pediatrician appointments, playdates at the park, weekend soccer games, and elementary orchestra recitals - a different kind of blissful distractions.