Infertility has changed my life forever. A few years back, if I heard about friends of ours or other couples who were struggling to get pregnant before Scott and I ever even thought about wanting a baby, I remember thinking to myself 'that sucks they should just do IVF or adopt' - like it was a simple solution. DUH!
Well, as you can imagine, I often wish I could travel back in time and smack my 'then' self in the face. I was absolutely clueless. And honestly, I think most people are clueless when it comes to infertility. A word of advise for those who have not been affected by infertility: Don't automatically assume because someone is struggling to get pregnant the obvious solution is to adopt or to try IVF. IVF isn't something you can just "try". It's expensive, it's invasive, and it's exhausting - especially for those without the proper insurance coverage. Adoption is also not a simple solution to infertility. It's even more expensive than IVF and for some couples, it's the experience of the pregnancy and the bond you build during those 9 months that's as equally important as the idea of a lifetime of happiness raising a child. Those who have not experienced first hand what it's like to try to have a baby and aren't successful in the first few months truly do not understand what it does to your mind, your body, your faith, your confidence, and more than anything.... your marriage.
Scott and I have had our fair share of ups and downs. What couple hasn't? I'm certainly not going to sit here and try to paint some picture that we've had a perfect marriage, or a perfect relationship for that matter. I do believe the obstacles we've faced together over the last 9 years have brought us closer in many ways. But nothing prepared us for the heartache infertility has brought into our lives. It has changed us both into completely different people.
The only way I can describe what infertility feels like to those who have not walked in our shoes is to try and imagine a life without your children in it. I live that reality everyday. However, my story is a little different. God blessed me when He brought an amazing little boy into my life 9 years ago. My whole world has been changed for the better because of him. I say it often, but I honestly can't imagine my life without Ethan in it. So I hold a special place in my heart for all the women (and couples) I've had the privilege of meeting on this journey who have not yet brought their baby home. Ethan brings so much joy and meaning to my life, so my heart truly aches for those couples who are still trying to reach their dream of having a baby.
When we decided to try and expand our family back in 2013, I knew a lot of things were going to change. And when we realized a few months in that this wasn't going to be as easy as we had hoped, I feared Scott and I were headed for dark days filled with anger, resentment and blame.
It has taken me until now to see the silver lining in this journey God has taken us on. Instead of tearing us apart, all the heartache, disappointment, and tears have somehow brought us closer than ever. Our appreciation for the little things in life and for one another has grown immensely. Every hug, every kiss and every "I love you" has a whole new meaning. Somehow, what has by far been the saddest and most difficult time in our life has also become one of the happiest. I have learned not to take a single thing for granted, especially the very limited time I do have with my husband.
Scott works in the hospitality business. It's a super high-stress level work environment (more stressful than most industries). Whoever thought of portraying this whole 'foodie' trend and the life of a Chef as glamorous and as fun as they make it look on Anthony Bourdains "No Reservations" is a moron...... Seriously...... Any Chef will tell you - most people are just not cut out for it, and wouldn't survive a day in my husband's shoes. But Scott is dedicated, hard working, and passionate about what he does. But trying to start a family, and working in this business is not easy. Try coming home after working on your feet for 16 hours to your wife saying "Honey, I'm ovulating! Time to get busy!" Yea. Not exactly what you'd call romantic. But Scott has been a trooper and always put on a smile, no matter how exhausted he was. He schedules his days off to be with me at my appointments instead of playing golf. He wakes up with the dogs when he knows I haven't had a good night sleep because all of the medication keeps me up at night. He's made it to every appointment, been there for every shot, and wiped away all the tears every month I get a reminder we are once again not pregnant. My love for him has grown to a deeper level of appreciation and respect. His patience has been the glue that keeps me together with every piece of bad news. For that, I am truly grateful.
A lot of people have asked for an update on our journey. Sometimes it really is hard for me to talk about it when I don't have any new or exciting news to share. But I have to remember everything happens for a reason.
I will say this, these last few months have mostly been a waiting game for us. We postponed our next IVF cycle after we began our search for a new physician. I also needed a break both physically and mentally before I went back to daily needles, sleepless nights, hot flashes, migraines, and doctors poking and prodding me every other day. But thankfully, we did find a new doctor and we've been blessed BEYOND belief by all of the amazing people who have offered advise, support and love over these last few months. Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine how I'm going to ever be able to explain to those very special people who have helped us along the way, my gratitude and appreciate for how they have changed our lives. This entire experience has changed my outlook on life. It has changed me as a woman, a friend, a Mom, a daughter and more than anything a wife. Sometimes heartache changes people. And sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us. I am saying lots of prayers this week for all those couples out there who are still trying to grow their family. In the spirit of National Infertility Awareness Week, if you know someone who is suffering from infertility, please be sure you recognize their heartache and give them an extra big hug.
And my advise to all those couples out there who are navigating this same journey as Scott and I is to always respect each other. Have patience. Allow this time in your life to bring you closer together. Be kind and always remember to simply love one another unconditionally. Love, like heartache, can change you forever.
Well, as you can imagine, I often wish I could travel back in time and smack my 'then' self in the face. I was absolutely clueless. And honestly, I think most people are clueless when it comes to infertility. A word of advise for those who have not been affected by infertility: Don't automatically assume because someone is struggling to get pregnant the obvious solution is to adopt or to try IVF. IVF isn't something you can just "try". It's expensive, it's invasive, and it's exhausting - especially for those without the proper insurance coverage. Adoption is also not a simple solution to infertility. It's even more expensive than IVF and for some couples, it's the experience of the pregnancy and the bond you build during those 9 months that's as equally important as the idea of a lifetime of happiness raising a child. Those who have not experienced first hand what it's like to try to have a baby and aren't successful in the first few months truly do not understand what it does to your mind, your body, your faith, your confidence, and more than anything.... your marriage.
Scott and I have had our fair share of ups and downs. What couple hasn't? I'm certainly not going to sit here and try to paint some picture that we've had a perfect marriage, or a perfect relationship for that matter. I do believe the obstacles we've faced together over the last 9 years have brought us closer in many ways. But nothing prepared us for the heartache infertility has brought into our lives. It has changed us both into completely different people.
The only way I can describe what infertility feels like to those who have not walked in our shoes is to try and imagine a life without your children in it. I live that reality everyday. However, my story is a little different. God blessed me when He brought an amazing little boy into my life 9 years ago. My whole world has been changed for the better because of him. I say it often, but I honestly can't imagine my life without Ethan in it. So I hold a special place in my heart for all the women (and couples) I've had the privilege of meeting on this journey who have not yet brought their baby home. Ethan brings so much joy and meaning to my life, so my heart truly aches for those couples who are still trying to reach their dream of having a baby.
When we decided to try and expand our family back in 2013, I knew a lot of things were going to change. And when we realized a few months in that this wasn't going to be as easy as we had hoped, I feared Scott and I were headed for dark days filled with anger, resentment and blame.
It has taken me until now to see the silver lining in this journey God has taken us on. Instead of tearing us apart, all the heartache, disappointment, and tears have somehow brought us closer than ever. Our appreciation for the little things in life and for one another has grown immensely. Every hug, every kiss and every "I love you" has a whole new meaning. Somehow, what has by far been the saddest and most difficult time in our life has also become one of the happiest. I have learned not to take a single thing for granted, especially the very limited time I do have with my husband.
Scott works in the hospitality business. It's a super high-stress level work environment (more stressful than most industries). Whoever thought of portraying this whole 'foodie' trend and the life of a Chef as glamorous and as fun as they make it look on Anthony Bourdains "No Reservations" is a moron...... Seriously...... Any Chef will tell you - most people are just not cut out for it, and wouldn't survive a day in my husband's shoes. But Scott is dedicated, hard working, and passionate about what he does. But trying to start a family, and working in this business is not easy. Try coming home after working on your feet for 16 hours to your wife saying "Honey, I'm ovulating! Time to get busy!" Yea. Not exactly what you'd call romantic. But Scott has been a trooper and always put on a smile, no matter how exhausted he was. He schedules his days off to be with me at my appointments instead of playing golf. He wakes up with the dogs when he knows I haven't had a good night sleep because all of the medication keeps me up at night. He's made it to every appointment, been there for every shot, and wiped away all the tears every month I get a reminder we are once again not pregnant. My love for him has grown to a deeper level of appreciation and respect. His patience has been the glue that keeps me together with every piece of bad news. For that, I am truly grateful.
A lot of people have asked for an update on our journey. Sometimes it really is hard for me to talk about it when I don't have any new or exciting news to share. But I have to remember everything happens for a reason.
I will say this, these last few months have mostly been a waiting game for us. We postponed our next IVF cycle after we began our search for a new physician. I also needed a break both physically and mentally before I went back to daily needles, sleepless nights, hot flashes, migraines, and doctors poking and prodding me every other day. But thankfully, we did find a new doctor and we've been blessed BEYOND belief by all of the amazing people who have offered advise, support and love over these last few months. Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine how I'm going to ever be able to explain to those very special people who have helped us along the way, my gratitude and appreciate for how they have changed our lives. This entire experience has changed my outlook on life. It has changed me as a woman, a friend, a Mom, a daughter and more than anything a wife. Sometimes heartache changes people. And sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us. I am saying lots of prayers this week for all those couples out there who are still trying to grow their family. In the spirit of National Infertility Awareness Week, if you know someone who is suffering from infertility, please be sure you recognize their heartache and give them an extra big hug.
And my advise to all those couples out there who are navigating this same journey as Scott and I is to always respect each other. Have patience. Allow this time in your life to bring you closer together. Be kind and always remember to simply love one another unconditionally. Love, like heartache, can change you forever.
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