No....I'm still in shock.
I have to actively remind myself that I'm pregnant when I wake up in the morning. Not that the feeling of I'm about to toss my cookies every time I brush my teeth in the morning doesn't remind me! And I am NOT complaining - I would barf everyday all day if that's what it took! This feeling is so surreal, it's so incredible, it's so........ how the heck did this happen!??!!
I wanted to wait to post this blog until today because it has a very special meaning for Scott and I. Today is our five year wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe sometimes. I realize today how lucky I am to call Scott my husband. He truly is my partner in every sense of the word. And he has certainly proved that more so in the last few weeks. We have certainly come a long way in five years and I'm thrilled to be able to celebrate today, not just as our anniversary, but today we are 8 weeks pregnant! I have taken each day as a blessing since the day we found out we were pregnant!
It was Wednesday, July 15th at 6:35 am. The night before was spent at our house with a group of girlfriends, watching the previous night's episode of the Bachelorette, our weekly ritual. There was pizza and wine, lots of laughs and a feeling of peace for me. That day (July 14th) we had selected our 3 egg donor candidates. We had paroozed the donor website for a few days and selected a few of our favorites and narrowed it down to 3 candidates. We were confident in our decision and planned to wait until the end of the week to let our donor coordinator know, which of the 3 we would choose.
During the weeks leading up to our selection process, Scott and I had decided that it was time to start a new routine. We were going to start over, accept the path that God had led us down and we were going to enjoy every second of it..... and that's just what we did. Scott had started a new job that had opened up a whole new world to us. Mostly just because he was around more, but also we were able to spend time together doing things that we seldom had the time to do together for the last few years. We were able to spend weekends together working on projects around the house, we put together our new morning work-out routine, created a meal plan, had dinner together every night, and we were able to spend time with our friends... together!!! Ethan arrived for the summer and things were starting to feel like they were falling into place, like they were always meant to be. I had let go of so much of the stress I had been carrying around from the last two years trying to get pregnant and constantly being disappointed. Starting our puzzle fundraiser also brought me so much hope to know that it was still possible for us to move forward with the next steps.
So in a sense, we truly had let go.We let go of our stress, let go of our fear, and let go of all the pressures that came with tracking every cycle day, every pill, every shot, and every bill!
So... back to July 15th. I woke up that morning with something on my mind. I was late. I had been late before. After months of hormones coupled with stress and lack of sleep, being late was not foreign to me. Ever since we began this process I had gone from a regular 28 day cycle to a 30-36 day cycle, and it was never the same month to month. The months that pushed to the 36 day mark I would usually take a pregnancy test just in case, and sure enough, it was negative every time. I had even taken a test the week before we found out (which was day 36) and it was negative. So when I had reached day 42, I knew something was wrong. I was worried that my previous months IVF cycle had somehow messed up my cycle and perhaps there was something medically wrong that was preventing me from getting my period? Maybe it was that I had been working out so much? Maybe it was because I had started getting more sleep? Maybe my body was just trying to get back on track since I had stopped all my medication? So I had planned to call my doctor that morning to make an appointment, surely I wasn't pregnant because it was completely impossible AND I had taken a test the week prior and it was negative as it had always been? But I decided to take another anyway, just to be 100% sure before I call my doctor. In order to save some money I had bought a bulk pack of strip pregnancy test many months prior (like the ones they use at your doctors office where they make you pee in a cup and then they dip the strip in the cup .... you get the picture). Now mind you it was 6:30 in the morning, and I was still half asleep. Well I didn't have a cup in our bathroom and I was too lazy to go downstairs to get one so I decided to just pee on the strip. Gross. I know, and maybe this is TMI but honestly, I have lost my sense for any sort of filter in this process. So I stare at the strip waiting to see the one line show up (which represents a negative result) but nothing happens. No lines show up. "Great", I think to myself, I got a defected strip or I just didn't get enough pee on it. So I just set it on the bathroom counter next to the sink and just decide to call the doctor when they open at 8 and it wasn't worth seeing the negative test anyway. I hop in the shower and start getting ready for the day. A good 20 minutes go by, and I honestly forgot about the test. I began drying my hair, and putting on my make up when something catches my eye. I see the strip sitting on the ledge of the sink and I think eww I should probably throw that away. But wait a minute.... why are there two lines on the test?
Wait for it.....
I SCREAMED, "SCCOOOOTTTTTTTT"
He stampedes up the stairs yelling "What??? What's wrong??? Babe?? What's wrong??"
I'm standing in the bathroom (frozen like a dear in headlights), in my robe with half of my hair dried and concealer all over my face. I just point at the counter. "What?? What??" He screams, thinking I'm pointing at a bug for him squash!
I simply point and say "Look on the counter". His eyes make it over to the test and immediately get wide with shock. He looks at me, then looks back at the test. Then looks back and me and says, "Oh my God, no way. Are you pregnant?" I couldn't speak. My mouth became dry, my eyes filled with tears and I dropped to my knees. "I don't know, I don't know! I think I peed on the stick wrong!!!!"
He laughs and wraps his arms around me, "babe, hug me, hug me, stand up!!"
My legs were jello. I was crying hysterically and laughing all at the same time. We hugged for what felt like eternity. I couldn't process a thought. This had to be a dream. We laughed until we cried.
That morning still gives me butterflies. I called our doctors office at 8:00:01 on the dot. She immediately agreed to see me as she is very aware of our situation for the last few months. They took another urine test which came back positive and then took a blood test to check my HCG levels. When they called me later that day with the results I cried. I still couldn't believe it.
The next few days were a whirlwind! I remember waking up the next morning making Scott tell me over and over that this wasn't a dream. We had experienced a miracle! I would have moments where I would stop and think to myself, this was impossible, why now, after all that, how did this happen? And I know now God had a plan all along - I would sigh every time I would hear, "everything happens for a reason, you just have to be patient". Looking back, I now see His plan. Scott is in a better place in his career. He's a new man. He has learned how to live life outside of the kitchen and I've never seen him happier. We have also always worried how when the time came, what we would say to Ethan when we found out we were pregnant. We wanted to be sure he was the first to know, and that he felt included in as much of the process as possible. So to have him here to experience that day with us was the best gift we could have been given. And to know that we were just days away from selecting our egg donor.... God was telling us, "Not yet. I still have plans for you." My heart is so grateful for EVERY prayer. Every person who kept us in their thoughts, thank you from the bottom of our hearts! And to those who donated to our fundraiser, I can't even begin to express our appreciation. We have a little something special coming to you in the mail soon (and please let us know if you have not received confirmation on your refund).
And to the man who has been there with me through it all. Scott, these last five years have taught me so much. Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of love, respect, patience, and kindness. Thank you for making it easy when life got hard. And thank you for never giving up on us. I can't wait to write this next chapter in our story with you!
