Swimmers .... Take Your Mark, Get Set....GO!

Standing behind the starting block, you climb up on to the cold, wet platform and take your mark. Your heart thumps against your chest waiting to hear the gun go off, so you can dive in head first. I was a swimmer for many years. I remember every meet, that anxious feeling you get before your body hits the icy water. It takes your breath away. You know the distance you have ahead of you before you reach the finish line. You count the seconds with each stroke you take. You gasp for air, desperately trying to pace yourself, while still keeping a safe distance in front of the swimmer in the lane next to you. You can see the end of the pool, and you get a burst of energy knowing you're almost there.

I can only describe the last year of our lives as diving into a pool with no other end in sight. We've been counting the seconds that pass each month, holding our breath, looking for the finish line, where everyone is waiting at the other end, cheering, "Yay! You did it!" We watch as others in the lanes next to us, finally reach their finish line, but our lane still continues on. Month after month. At times it feels as though we are drowning. Literally.

I know our story is not unique. Hundreds of thousands of other couples are swimming in the same pool, desperately trying to reach their happy ending.

So here we are, one year later and we're still swimming, looking for the other end of the pool. Scott and I never imagined our journey to parenthood would be such a marathon swim. Nothing prepares you for the emotions you feel when you see everyone around you announcing they are pregnant. It's almost as though you never noticed pregnant women before! Then all of a sudden, they're everywhere! At the grocery store, at your yoga studio, walking in your neighborhood. Your Facebook feed turns into a thread of pregnancy announcements! You feel every emotion in the book, from jealousy, shame and resentment, to absolute hopelessness.

Scott and I decided after a year of trying on our own, only revealing our little secret to 1 or 2 of our closest friends in recent months, we would open up and try and connect with other couples who have been down this road. Keeping this process a secret was creating more stress and tension for the two of us, we needed an outlet to help us cope to be able to "just keep swimming" as Dori would say.

As a seasoned swimmer, I know we will reach the finish line..... eventually. We might need to try a  few different strokes to get there, but I have faith in God that our pursuit of parenthood is far from over!

My hope is that by sharing our story, we can bring strength and support to other couples out there who are diving in head first.